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Quote 245
Elder Thaddeus of Vitovnica
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Quote 245 - Форум
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Quote 245
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| readeralexey | Дата: Суббота, 08.10.2022, 12:23 | Сообщение # 1 |
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| It is a problem when a child wants this and that and when his parents cater to his every whim. Then, when the children grow up, they still expect everyone to comply with their wishes. Have you ever seen anything like that? Not even kings and queens get this kind of treatment!
Elder Thaddeus (Strabulovich) of Vitovnica
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| marichernaya911 | Дата: Воскресенье, 09.10.2022, 00:38 | Сообщение # 2 |
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| It is known that the process of upbringing and education in royal and noble families is quite strict. Since very childhood noble kids are getting accustomed to discipline, live according to precise schedule, wake up, eat, play and go to bed when they should do that, wear often uncomfortable uniform and, by the way, are usually guided by their tutors and rarely see their parents (speaking about elite schools, for example).
Also in peasant families children were always being brought up in strictness. They worked since early years. Children at that time were understood as little adults, so nobody ever pampered children.
However, nowadays parents often spoil children by letting them do everything they want, buying them endless quantities of toys, sweets, nice clothes, phones, etc. Parents are usually sure that that is their love to be expressed in these acts of generosity and permissiveness. (Talking about Russia, I think that it's probably the consequence of Soviet upbringing of our parents, whose parents were often extremely strict with them, and where children grew up in very simple and sometimes poor conditions. So now these parents want to give their children all the best of the world as far as they they can, so that their children don't experience what they did).
But does it really love what they do? I'm sure it's not. As love knows that permissiveness spoils the soul and character of a child. Because no one in the world would behave like that with children except their parents.
So, to prevent a child from painful experience that world can bring, parents should be very careful in giving children everything they want.
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Сообщение отредактировал marichernaya911 - Понедельник, 26.06.2023, 15:49 |
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| ulyana_kazakova | Дата: Воскресенье, 09.10.2022, 09:36 | Сообщение # 3 |
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| I definitely agree with the quote above. Indeed, constant encouragement of the child, giving him everything he wants, causes stubbornness. It can be hard for parents to refuse or forbid a child. This is especially difficult when the child reacts to rejection or a prohibition with tears and tantrums. Then parents will do anything to keep their child from crying and eventually allow them to do absolutely anything. The total absence of prohibitions or refusals does not make a child's life easier or safer. On the contrary, it can lead to the following problems. A child does not learn to assess its actions and the consequences they may lead to. They do not feel their own boundaries and do not understand where other people's boundaries are. The child believes that all his wishes must be granted and demands this not only from his parents and relatives, but also from other people. The child does not know which wishes are important and which can be denied, and therefore wants everything at once. Such children have difficulty learning and achieving their goals: as soon as they encounter the first difficulties, they give up what they want to do.
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| tsvioletta17 | Дата: Воскресенье, 09.10.2022, 19:44 | Сообщение # 4 |
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| We can speculate about this statement. I guess that, in principle, the issue of raising children is quite complicated, but at the same time interesting and important.
Allowing too much is wrong, but forbidding everything to a child is also wrong. A child should always be given a choice so that he can express himself. Naturally, you need to teach him, warn him that a child can make a mistake if he does this or that, but if he or she learns from his mistakes, it's not something terrible.
It should be said that if parents treat their child more like a friend, but at the same time teach him, then the child will feel more comfortable, and the atmosphere will be more trusting.
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Сообщение отредактировал tsvioletta17 - Суббота, 10.12.2022, 13:33 |
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| yarovaya02 | Дата: Воскресенье, 09.10.2022, 21:19 | Сообщение # 5 |
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| “Education is the most sacred of all sacred works.”
St. Theophan
Love for God and for people around us should lie at the foundation of upbringing.
Many modern parents say that they don’t want their children to have religious convictions forced on them; they say, let them grow up and they will figure it out for themselves. However, St. Theophan wrote that this complicated growth period, which he compared to a “house without a fence” and “dry tinder in the fire”, goes much more smoothly if Christian moral foundations were had already been placed in the childhood years.
In ancient Rus’ children were educated according to the examples of the lives of the righteous ones and Saints First children learned to read the Psalter and the Horologion, and then they took up other books.
The Christian images with which the child comes into contact remain in his memory all his life, and serve as a firm foundation in all difficulties and trials: “A great influence on children is the frequent attendance of church, venerating the holy cross, Gospels, icons ... making the sign of the cross over his cradle, his food, and everything that comes into contact with him ... is always the safest and invincible wall against attempts by invisible dark powers.”
The Saint would give this advice: “Love your children, and they will love you.” But at the same, time this love must always be joined with reasonable strictness. The most reliable guidance in this age, in St. Theophan’s opinion, is the educator’s reasonable strictness and authority.
But children will not be saved by discipline or severity, if parents do not follow the path of holiness.
The way parents live has an influence on children. It leaves an imprint on them for the whole life.
Children want to see their parents filled with love and righteousness, parents, who will not limit themselves to preaching, but will give them an example from their own lives.
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Сообщение отредактировал yarovaya02 - Понедельник, 26.06.2023, 20:41 |
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| amasaltseva | Дата: Понедельник, 10.10.2022, 21:31 | Сообщение # 6 |
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| I agree with Elder Thaddeus. Indeed, people who got used to getting all they want during childhood are often quite infantile being adults. A sad fact: Father Thaddeus said these words in the previous century when matters of upbringing were way stricter than those practised today. Does that mean people nowadays are even less self-sustained and more whimsical? Well, it may be so, and if we accept this view, we can claim this kind of “tendency” thereby influences society. However, we can’t assert this, for not too much time has passed to come to such a conclusion. Well, one way or another each generation differs from the former. That’s how it works. But I would say that upbringing methods of the 20th and fortiori earlier centuries seems to me worse in some points than today's. Well, of course, we can’t draw any big conclusions as I have already said, though I would share a new view of some psychologists on the childhood and ways of raising children. I guess, the best way is to find the golden mean, as always. We shouldn’t be too strict and hard to our children not to hurt and traumatize them as well as shouldn’t we be too malleable complying with all their wishes not to spoil them.
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Сообщение отредактировал amasaltseva - Понедельник, 12.12.2022, 13:42 |
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| tsumskaa30 | Дата: Понедельник, 17.10.2022, 10:18 | Сообщение # 7 |
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| It goes without saying that spoiling children can be really harmful in the long run.
A book written by Honoré de Balzac comes back to my memory. It is called "Father Goriot". The main character adores his daughters, does impossible things to cater their whims. He sells everything that he has, even his cup which was of a sentimental value to him. Poor father longs for being a small dog that lies on the knees of the daughter. However, in the end he dies in abject poverty while his selfish daughters are dancing at a ball, wearing glamorous dresses with plenteous diamonds.
However, on the other hand, children should feel absolute love that comes from their parents so that the kids may love people around them in the same way in the future.
All in all, it can be destructive to comply all the kids’ wishes but the lack of love is also a worrying thing. That’s why I truly believe that everything is good when it is within reasonable limits.
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| katyadorniak | Дата: Понедельник, 05.12.2022, 18:17 | Сообщение # 8 |
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| To be honest, I've never seen parents give their children everything they want. Not in my environment. Not in our time. What I saw was severity and severity. Older children become babysitters for younger ones, cooks and cleaners for parents. I knew one very religious family with many children, in which none of the children were treated other than like domestic servants. The huge house, which reminded me of a castle, was a castle only for a domineering, harsh mother. The eldest daughter literally ran away from the family as soon as she turned sixteen, marrying her equally young boyfriend. Her mother could afford, if not to spoil, then at least give her daughter a well-deserved rest. But no, she drove her to the extreme measure of despair, forcing her to push her family away.
Our family has never had the means to make me a queen. But the sense of my own dignity and confidence that I deserve more was brought up in me in the best way. But then again, I have never been pampered, and therefore I cannot judge what can come of a person who has been treated like a king or queen since childhood.
I recently heard that it's not a good idea to have a child if you don't have money for every toy or sweet that they want. It sounded literally like this, because a generation of children is growing up who were denied everything because of the "financial crisis". Now material well-being is more important than the opinion of society about childless families. And I can't tell if it's good or bad. I will say one thing: everyone deserves royal treatment, because in each of us there is an Image of God. However, this should be expressed primarily in respect and love, and not indulgence and pampering.
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EkaterinaDolzhenkova
Сообщение отредактировал katyadorniak - Понедельник, 12.12.2022, 23:19 |
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| vernik04 | Дата: Вторник, 06.12.2022, 20:56 | Сообщение # 9 |
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| I totally agree with the statement.
It's very dangerous and harmful to spoil children. But it also doesn't mean that parents should forbid everything. Being a parent is very difficult, being a good one is a lot more difficult. It is essential to find the golden mean. Children should be provided with basic things like food, clothes, education. Moreover, I think they can be encouraged by some things for their achievements. It can give motivation to achieve more. It can be very harmful to take children's achievement for granted, otherwise kids can have some psychological problems in the future. But also we shouldn't praise them too much because they can become too proud and conceited. Parents should be attentive, caring, loving and respectful but at the same time strict when needed just like our Heavenly Father. He is an example of an ideal parent for us.
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Сообщение отредактировал vernik04 - Воскресенье, 11.12.2022, 21:50 |
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| antonryadinski | Дата: Вторник, 06.12.2022, 21:59 | Сообщение # 10 |
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| I absolutely agree with this quote. I think that many people have encountered such children more than once in their lives. But personally, it is difficult for me to find the line between the desire of the child and his whim. Probably, since I don't have children, I can't experience this personally. But if I had them, I would like my child to get everything he wants, within the limits of what is permitted.
It seems to me that it is worse when the child does not want anything, because then the parents themselves begin to serve him, which can also have its consequences. I think, it's okay to want something. But when parents thoughtlessly do everything that their child wants, this is already bad.
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Сообщение отредактировал antonryadinski - Понедельник, 12.12.2022, 19:16 |
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| abalakinan27 | Дата: Вторник, 06.12.2022, 22:12 | Сообщение # 11 |
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| I go along with this opinion. It can be detrimental for the state of the soul especially for the children's soul. Indulging every whim of a developing personality doesn't form reality with restrictions. There might be room for the wrong perception of the world where everything is about you. It may be hard for a spoiled child to go on in their subsequent life and getting on with people without being egoistical.
AUDIO
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Сообщение отредактировал abalakinan27 - Понедельник, 12.12.2022, 19:07 |
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| anastasiadregan864 | Дата: Вторник, 06.12.2022, 23:41 | Сообщение # 12 |
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| Daily you have to deal with people who think that their environment owes them. In every sense: to agree with their opinion, to concede, to laugh at their jokes and so on. When I meet such people I immediately imagine them in early childhood: their parents admire them and indulge them in everything, bathing them in the rays of their adoration.
There is no doubt that the love and admiration of parents for their child is natural, but everything should have its limits and measure. It is very difficult to change in adulthood, so the burden of responsibility lies more on the parents. The process of education should be based not only on emotions, but on the realization that the child will grow up. It would seem a banal statement, but nevertheless, due to the denial of this fact by parents, many "beloved children" forever remain very infantile in many pressing issues, which significantly complicates their lives.
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Сообщение отредактировал anastasiadregan864 - Вторник, 13.12.2022, 10:31 |
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| sensualpie111 | Дата: Суббота, 10.12.2022, 05:05 | Сообщение # 13 |
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| I agree with the statement described in this quote, but only partially. Parents really should teach their child that not all of their wishes can be fulfilled. However, it seems to me that one should not be too strict with children. If the child asks for something, then you should explain to him the reason why he cannot get what he wants. My parents have always done just that. If I wanted an expensive toy, sweets or not going to bed, they simply explained that all this would only bring me harm, and after a while I began to understand myself that not all my desires are good for me. In addition, parents should teach their child humility. My parents often read the lives of the saints to me as a child for this purpose.
However, if the parents overdo it, then the child may grow up callous and greedy, since in childhood he did not get what he wanted. That is why I believe that being a parent is a big responsibility, because they have to balance strictness and softness, care and accomplishment.
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Para Julia
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